10 tips to handle situation when fighting with your partner
Couple fights are inevitable and you cannot deny it is a major part of many people’s lives.
Most of the time, we do not know how to handle the situation, we end up running away from it, sweeping everything under the carpet, do something wrong behind our partners’ backs in order to temporarily get your mind away from the situation or you end up getting mentally abused, giving in just because you love that person. The reason why I decided to do this post is because I have been in a relationship ever since I was 13 (please don’t judge me we lasted for 3 years) and I have been through a fair share of problems. It’s all very hard to show or tell just anyone right now as people assume that my relationship has to be perfect since Ridhwan and I are in the public’s eye most of the time, but we are still normal human beings in a normal relationship and we also have our fair share of problems. These are a tips you may want to take note when you get into a fight with your partner or maybe you would like to give someone some advice if you know they are having a hard time.
1. Never Compare
Trust me, there probably has been once or twice when you compare your current partner to your ex, friend’s partner or even a friend. I have been compared before and it’s definitely not a good feeling. Firstly, it makes that person feel worthless and question your love for him/her. Secondly, every relationship and every person will bring you a certain set of problems. Just because your partner is giving you problems at that point of time does not mean that he is overall a bad person, you tend to forget all the good things he/she has done for you. Thirdly, never do that to purposely piss your partner of, you never know how he/she may take it. For example, if you point out all the flaws of your partner when you are angry, he/she is going to remember it even after the fight and probably feel insecure,which will end up unhealthy for the person and the relationship.
2. Remember It Is Not A Battle
At many times, couples tend to feel they have to win in an argument but we very often forget the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone, it should be both of you against the world, helping each other in time of need and improving alongside one another. Our anger usually gets the better of us when it comes to an argument and I fully understand that, but make sure that the argument ends up on a positive note, sit down and talk calmly to one another on how to avoid the situation which caused the fight, what shall be improved and come out of the fight as wiser individuals.
3. Space Out
Spacing out is not always bad.
Ridhwan and I have this method of spacing out, if we get into a fight and one walks away, do not chase that person and agitate him/her or make a scene. Text or call each other again when you feel that you are in the right mind to talk about the matter.
You can talk to your partner about this effective method if you tend to hurt each other alot physically or mentally when in an argument, your mind will be ready and clearer to talk things out after spacing out.
4. Try Not To Involve Others
I am a huge culprit of this one as I tend to talk to my friends or family about my fights whenever I am upset as I do not like the feeling of being alone with my own thoughts and feelings. This can sometimes be a good and bad thing. The good thing is if you consult someone that is wise with words, neutral with the situation and has his/her lips shut, then you are in good hands. The bad thing is when complain, you tend to only say the bad things about that someone and if you complain to the wrong person, they will eventually think that your partner is such a bad person, they will force you to break up with your partner, manipulate you to make you feel your partner is not right for you and then tell the whole world about your problems.
We always fail to put ourselves in the shoes of our partner and think about how he/she feels if someone thinks of you as a bad person just because they only hear the bad things whenever you guys get into a fight and never has a chance to explain.
If you need to tell someone about your problems, do not
If your friends are present at the scene, try your best and not make it awkward for them. If there is something that you are angry about, ask your partner if he/she can follow you somewhere else private to talk or raise your problems only after they are gone, your friends have no choice to side either party.
5.Do Not Be Rash Or Impulsive
Little people have loyalty and honestly, even friends tell me stories of people who are not loyal, I have even seen someone cheated boldly with my own eyes.
The point where anyone’s relationship is the weakest is obviously when you get into a fight and temporarily go your separate ways and at that point of time you tell yourself, “I’m going to break up with him/her” or “He/She treats me like shit, I’m going to find someone”. People end up cheating or doing something the other would be upset at if he/she comes to know about it. Do not do anything rash because when things get better and you talk it out, you are going to feel so miserable and guilty, it’s never fair for the other party. Until you have a proper closure for a good period of time, then you can have your mind on someone or something else.
6.Talk To Yourself & Rationalize
In the midst of a fight, I always try to think about the good points and what possibly could have gone wrong on my side and I will make the first move to say sorry or talk calmly to initiate a calm conversation. This is a good way to soothe the situation and a sign of maturity from your side.
7.Tone & Actions is key
When saying sorry, your tone and actions are very important, it shows your level of sincerity and how much effort you are willing to put into solving the situation. It allows the person to know that you have initiative in making the situation work, but be sure to have your stand and not always give in even though you’re 100% not in the wrong.
It is not nice to talk about your old grandmother stories and dig out the past. The present is the present, talk about the current situation and what went wrong, talking about the past is just as good as saying:you do not forgive that person, then why bother trying to solve the current one you are in.
9.Sensing an ideal partner
If you seem to always get into a fight with him/her and he/she is always doing you wrong, without you doing anything and you seem to have a hard time forgiving that person, do reevaluate the relationship and think if you would like to continue in something so toxic.
If he/she never tries to improve or you seem to be the only one trying, do raise it up to him/her and if you do not get a positive response, you seem to gain nothing from the relationship, then it is up to you whether to stay or not.
10.Violence is never the way out
Always remember that violence always escalates, it never solves the problem, it will end up in an abusive relationship and fear in a relationship, should not be the case. If you love that particular someone, you know it would hurt after the fight is over, your heart will hurt so bad, you feel like you cannot forgive yourself. And girls, they say guys cannot hit girls, girls cannot hit guys either, so females and males should always treat each other as equals in any situation.